


slipping back into my mind

by vcdbtch2



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Arthur is a bit of an ass, Cuddling & Snuggling, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fainting, Kissing, M/M, Merlin is sad, Merthur - Freeform, but he means well, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:08:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27796705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vcdbtch2/pseuds/vcdbtch2
Summary: Merlin realising he isn't apart of the group anymore, if he ever was.TRIGGER WARNINGS:Eating disorders
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 159





	slipping back into my mind

**Author's Note:**

> This story has triggering topics so if that's not for you, please dont read.

It started out as little things like him being the last to know anything or someone forgetting to say hi to him when he sat down at their table during lunch. Merlin hadn't thought anything of it at first, just putting it down to the stress of finals coming up. Being a maths tutor in his free time meant he was often late to lunch and when he got there, the group had often already started without him. Again, he thought nothing of it, just sat down and joined his friends. It wasn't until study nights became sleepover nights on the days Merlin wasn't able to come, that's when he noticed he was feeling a little left out.

Usually, when someone couldn't make it to study night, they would move it to a day when they could. However when Merlin couldn't come, they just said they would catch him up the next week. He felt a little disappointed but he tried not to let it get out of proportion, after all it was just a study night. But when the group started walking straight by him in the halls without so much as a glance towards him, he started to think about it more.

He had never really felt like apart of the group. Each person had a different roll at the table, where as Merlin was just kind of there. Gwen was the sporty girl who kept everyone in check, if there was a fight she would physically force them to sit down and make up. Gwaine and Percival were the group flirt, the two that constantly flirts with each other but no one knew if they were actually together or not. Lancelot was his best friend since primary school, aka the only reason he was even in the group in the first place. Morgana was Arthur's sister, only really in the group because she was Leon's boyfriend and Arthur's sister. And finally, there was Arthur himself.. Arthur who looked like some kind of god, with his gorgeous blonde locks, toned body that only just fit into his footy jersey and beautiful blue eyes. He was the subject of many wet dreams and daytime fantasies ever since they had first met, and also the most popular guy in school, especially with the ladies.

Arthur was the glue that held the group together, but he was also an arrogant, posh prick. Being on the footy team came with popularity and having the wealthiest family in the entire town came with an absurd amount of money, which in turn gave him the notion that he was better than anyone else. Merlin wasn't fooled by the asshole attitude, he could see in his eyes that some days he didn't like showing up to school in a fancy BMW with an equally fancy driver, it was obvious he never chose that path himself, it was more bred into him. Merlin knew Arthur had a heart of gold and despite his cocky attitude towards anyone but his friends, he was a nice guy, he just didn't know how to show it.

When Merlin's father died and he couldn't gather the energy to look after himself, Arthur and Gwen helped him through it and gave him a reason to move forward. Not having the energy to look after himself also meant he didn't have the energy to eat, which ended up turning into an eating disorder. Surprisingly, Arthur was the one who helped him with that, forcing him to see a doctor to get his life back on track. He constantly asked Merlin if had eaten and if he said no, Arthur would almost force food down his throat.

This gave Merlin false hope. With Arthur helping him, it caused Merlin to think he actually cared. As soon as he was back on track with his eating, Arthur was back to ignoring his existence and going out of his way to exclude him from the group. With this happening, Merlin started to exclude himself from the group and sit away from them in class. He then began skipping lunch entirely just because he didn't want to see the people he once called his friends laughing and having fun without him. Merlin even stopped going to study nights with them and instead studied by himself in the library or at home. He just stopped being around them all together, and they didn't even seem to notice.

Not going to lunch meant he didn't eat at all during school, and most of the time he would only have a small dinner with his Mum. He would usually only eat lunch and dinner with a snack in between anyway, but the second he stopped having lunch at school, he would only be having one meal a day. He hadn't even noticed he had started to lose weight until he started to get light headed if he stood up too fast. He tried his best to started eating more at dinner and even tried having something light for breakfast, but it just made him feel sick to eat that early in the morning. He was sure his Mum and Teachers could see him starting to slip back into his eating disorder but no one said anything, at least not until it started to affect his grades.

Merlin didn't know why, he just couldn't focus anymore. His stomach always felt pleasantly empty, but there was also a dull pain that came along with that. Because he tutored his classmates in maths to get some extra points in his class, it meant he wasn't able to study for his finals until well after midnight, which meant he wasn't getting much sleep. This caused him to become unfocused in class, his head was almost always sore from dehydration and lack of nutrients and sleep and he often found his eyes slipping closed, he had to fight to keep them open.

His Mother watched him closely, noticing his tired eyes and even paler complexion but didn't want to even think about her Son slipping back into the dark. It wasn't until she noticed his shirts had started to hang off him did she decided she had to talk to her son.

Merlin winced when his Mum called him down to the living room to talk. He already knew what she wanted to talk about, and he was ready to lie his way out. What he didn't expect though, was her to bring up the subject of his friends.

"Gwen called today" She said, giving him her signature eyebrow look. " She wanted to know why you weren't coming to study groups anymore, she says it's not the same without you."

Merlin was surprised by this, but he knew Gwen was only calling so she could gossip. He and Gwen were never that close. She was sweet and often included him in conversations when she could see he felt left out, but they never really spoke one on one. She was closer to Morgana and Arthur than anyone else in the group, a reason Merlin didn't like her. Well, it wasn't that he didn't like her, he was jealous of her, or more specifically, jealous of her and Arthur's relationship. As far as he knew, the two weren't together or anything, but they sure flirted like it. The way Arthur looked at her made Merlin feel physically sick and was one of the reasons he stopped coming to study groups.

When Arthur came out as bi, Merlin was foolish enough to think he had a slim chance of being with him. His hopes and dreams were crushed though when he continued to look at Gwen the way he did, like she was the most precious thing in the world.

"Oh that, uh yeah i've just been busy" Merlin tried to smile reassuringly, but it came out more of a grimace.

"Merlin, don't lie to me." Hunith warned, and it was clear she knew what was happening. " I have to ask you something and I would appreciate if you didn't lie to me. Are you eating?"

Merlin knew there was no way out of this, he would have to tell the truth. Maybe his Mother would send him off to a clinic or something, he wouldn't mind if it meant he could get out that school. Ever since he started at Camelot high, he had nothing but drama with kids and he was counting down the days till he could leave.

"No" Merlin sighed, looking down at his hands. He knew he would upset his Mother but he really couldn't help it, every time he ate it just made him feel so sick he couldn't focus. His stomach constantly felt like he had just eaten a three course meal, when in reality he hadn't eaten anything but a small bowl of dinner each night.

Hunith sighed and did her best to keep her tears in, coming to sit beside her son and put her hands on his. "Why? I don't understand, I thought you were getting better"

"I thought I was too" Merlin admitted, because he really did. In fact he _was_ getting better while he had people there to help him but the minute he got better and those people disappeared, he just lost his footing and slipped back into his mind.

They both knew what had to be done, they had known for a while. Hunith was still recovering from losing her Husband, she wasn't strong enough to get Merlin the help he needed. Merlin certainly wouldn't do it himself, and he didn't have anyone else to rely on. His Mother had suspected he had distanced himself from his friends when Gwen rang, but she knew there had to be more to it. Merlin had struggled to find friends his whole life and she knew he wouldn't just give up the ones he had for no reason. She was willing to do anything for her Son, and if it meant packing up and moving closer to a mental health clinic, than that's what she would do.

"Merlin, you know what we have to do, don't you?" She said, gently hooking her fingers under his chin and turning his head to meet their eyes.

Merlin closed his eyes and nodded, taking a shaky breath. "I know"

"I'm sorry baby, I wish there was another way but there isn't"

Merlin smiled the best he could, trying to let his Mum know she was doing the right thing. He honestly didn't mind packing up and leaving, even if it meant he had to see a specialist, he was just glad he could finally leave. It's not like anyone would care if he left anyway, someone else could take over his tutoring job and he could finish his finals online. The only reason they moved to this town was because his Dad got a job here, and now that he's gone, there was no reason to stay.

"It's alright, if it means we can leave this town" Merlin said, chuckling at the exasperated huff his Mother gave in response. She too wasn't very fond of the town so moving would be good for her too.

Hunith stood up and kissed her son's forehead. "Okay, I'm going to get started on dinner and tomorrow we can start looking for houses"

Merlin nodded and waited until his Mother was gone to let a few tears fall. Lately, he felt like everything he was doing just turned around to bite him and couldn't seem to do anything right. He felt like a major disappointment for letting himself go again and forcing his Mum to pack up and move just so he could get help. He just wished he never moved here in the first place, it would have saved him a lot of trouble.

***

The next morning when he arrived at school, he was surprised to hear his name being called out as he headed toward his locker. He turned around to see Lance running up to him and sighed, he really didn't want to talk to anyone today. He took a deep breath and reminded himself he only had a few more weeks before he could leave, he just had to put up with it until then.

"Hey, Merlin. Haven't seen you in a while" Lancelot smiled as he finally caught up. "Have you been sick or something?"

Merlin barley held back the snort that threatened to escape him. "Nope, I've been at school"

Lancelot seemed surprised and slightly guilty but he didn't say anything about it, just cleared his throat awkwardly. "Well you haven't come to study with us, we miss you"

"I wasn't invited" Merlin said under his breath, hoping it was quiet enough for him to hear. Apparently it wasn't, because he frowned and followed Merlin when he started to walk to his locker again.

"What?" He said, looking extremely confused, like he wasn't one of the people who stopped talking to him.

"Nothing" Merlin shook his head as he continued to walk down the stairs, weaving in and out of all the kids walking to class. It wasn't until the third step at the bottom did he start to feel sick. He hated stairs, for some reason they always made him feel weaker than he was and it was often a struggle to get up and down them.

"No, what do you mean you aren't invited? You don't have to be invited, you can just show up" Lance continued, oblivious to the fact Merlin was struggling to keep himself on his feet. He often got random waves of nausea and sometimes even had fainting spells caused by lack of nutrition, but luckily he had never fainted at school.

Merlin took a deep breath and was relieved when that seemed to ease some of the nausea. "Well study dates used to always be on days when I could never come so I just stopped coming, and no one ever asked why"

Lance looked even more confused at that and was about to say something when he seemed to notice Merlin looking unsteady on his feet. "Are you alright?"

Merlin wasn't alright. His legs felt like they would give out on him at any moment, his brain was fuzzy, he couldn't hear anything but his ragged breathing and a constant ringing in his ears and there was a pounding throb in his head. He knew he was going to pass out, he just wished he could have managed to get somewhere quieter than in the middle of the school hallway before he did.

Just as he felt his body give out, he felt strong arms grab a hold of him and gently lower him to the ground. He was conscious enough to hear Lance practically screaming for help, he was conscious enough to feel the stares of students as he lie on the floor and he managed to stay conscious enough to hear footsteps running towards him before everything faded.

***

Arthur's heart quite literally dropped to his stomach when he heard Lancelot shouting for help and without any thought as to what could be going on, he ran towards his friend. He managed to weave through the crowd of people who were nosy enough to form a circle, barging a few people out of the way until he could see Lance hovering over someone on the floor. It only took him a few seconds to notice the rainbow bracelet around their wrist for Arthur to know who it was, and as soon as he did, his heart almost gave out.

"What happened?" He asked as he dropped to his knees beside Merlin's head, reaching to put the back of his hand against this forehead. Just as he suspected, Merlin's head was burning hot.

"I don't know, we were talking and he just passed out" Lance explained, looking around frantically in hopes of finding a nurse, though it was hard to see past the circle of people surrounding them. Arthur saw this and shouted for the people to move, sighing a breath of relief when everyone started to walk away until they were left alone.

"Go get a nurse, i'll stay with him" Arthur said, watching as Lance nodded and ran off to find a nurse. Arthur turned his attention back to Merlin and almost sobbed when he saw how small he looked. There were deep purple circles under his eyes, his skin looked even more pale than it normally was and his hair was slightly damp from sweat.

What really made Arthur want to cry was how skinny he looked. His shirt was practically hanging off him, showing his bony collar bones and shoulders. Despite having a belt that was on the last possible hole, his jeans still looked to be falling off him as well. Arthur sighed and picked up Merlin's hand, thumbs rubbing over his bony fingers and wrists. There was no doubt about it, Merlin wasn't eating again.

Lancelot soon came back with the school nurse in tow, who bent down to check Merlin over. Both Arthur and Lance watched nervously as the nurse checked Merlin's pulse and put her hand to his forehead like Arthur had done just before, humming to herself before standing up.

"It looks like he's running a fever, though it's not anything serious." She said. "Can one of you take him to my office so he can be comfortable when he wakes up?"

Arthur didn't even have to think about it before he carefully slid an arm behind Merlin's back and the other under his knees, lifting him up. He internally winced at how easy it was to lift him up but followed the nurse to her office, trying not to fixate on how he could feel the knobs of Merlin's spine under his arm.

Once they arrived at the nurses office, Arthur carefully put Merlin down on the bed and stepped back as the Nurse walked back to his side. "He should wake up soon but i'm going to call his Mother anyway"

Arthur and Lance watched as the nurse walked into the other room to call Merlin's mother. Walking to Merlin's side, he sat on the chair beside the bed and watched as Merlin's stomach rose and fell too fast for his liking.

"He's not eating again" Arthur said, keeping his eyes trained on Merlin's pale face. Despite being manipulated by his mind, Merlin still looked peaceful lying on the bed, his eyelashes fanning over his cheeks as his eyes moved under his eyelashes.

"No" Lance sighed from somewhere behind him, Arthur didn't turn around to see where.

Arthur shook his head and sighed. " I thought he was getting better, I thought we helped him through it"

"I thought so too" Lancelot agreed, coming to stand beside Arthur at the bed. "He said something, just before he fainted that I didn't understand"

Arthur looked up at this and looked at Lance with confused eyes, waiting for him to go on.

"I asked why he hasn't been coming to the study groups lately and he said he hasn't been invited" Lance went on, despite the confused expression on Arthur's face. "I told him he doesn't need to be invited and he said the study days were always on days he couldn't come, so he just stopped coming all together"

"He knows he doesn't need to be invited, he always used to just show up like the rest of us until he stopped coming." Arthur furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. He didn't understand why Merlin just stopped hanging out with them, he thought they were friends. Arthur had tried to catch Merlin in the halls or at the end of class but he was always too far ahead.

" I guess we just ask him about it when he wakes up" Lancelot sighed. "I'm going to go to class, there isn't much more we can do now"

Arthur nodded in agreement and watched as his friend walked out of the room. He wasn't sure if he too should go back to class or not, but he soon decided he didn't want to leave him to wake up in the nurse's office alone so he stayed.

Hunith arrived soon after, rushing to her son's bedside and kissing his head. She seemed distressed but it was clear this had happened before, something Arthur was furious at. He didn't know why his friend was struggling and decided to distance himself instead of getting help like the first time, but it made him equal parts upset and angry.

"He's been out almost twenty minutes" Arthur said, moving to sit by Merlin's feet so Hunith could have the chair.

"Longer than usual, probably not something to be worried about" She said more to herself than Arthur, but Arthur heard it all the same.

"This has happened before, hasn't it?" Arthur asked, watching as Hunith sighed and turned to look at him. She too looked exhausted and worried, but she looked to be holding it together quite well.

"A few times over the past month or so, yes" Hunith nodded.

Arthur felt even more horrible, learning this has been happening for over a month and he didn't know. " Why didn't he tell us he wasn't eating again?"

"To be honest, i'm not sure" Hunith smiled sadly, turning to look at her son again. "I guess he didn't want anyone to know he was slipping again, he wanted to handle it himself"

"That's stupid" Arthur said, exasperated. " He knows we're all here for him, he should have come to us instead of pushing us away"

Hunith looked over at him with a mixture of anger, confusion and worry in her eyes. "Merlin has struggled to make friends his whole life, being called a freak just because he was interested in things that other kids weren't. He was so happy when Lance introduced him to your group, he wouldn't just throw that away without a reason"

Arthur frowned and was about to say something else when Merlin let out a small groan, his eyes slowly fluttering open. Hunith stood and put her hand on his forehead, smiling when Merlin's eyes fully opened. He looked confused, scared and embarrassed all at once and all Arthur wanted to do was hold him and never let him go. He was quite fond of the boy, for a reason he was yet to figure out, and would do anything to protect him. The two weren't as close as Arthur would have liked, but he could still remedy that.

"What happened?" Merlin asked, sitting up and looking at his Mum before looking at Arthur. "Why are you here?"

"You fainted again, Merlin" Hunith said softly, trying not to let her worry show. Merlin looked even more confused as he did before, but it all seemed to come back to him as he hastily slid off the bed and grabbed his bag.

"Merlin, you have to wait for the nurse" Arthur stood and tried to catch his arm, but Merlin just pushed past him and his Mum and ran out of the room. Hunith smiled sadly and followed after him, leaving a confused and worried Arthur standing alone in the nurse's room.

***

Merlin was horrified when he woke up and saw his Mum and Arthur looking over him. He was confused as to where he was and what happened at first, but it all quickly came back to him and all he could think about was getting out of there. He was still a little uneasy on his feet, but the adrenaline helped him to escape quickly without having to talk to Arthur or his Mum.

He could tell his Mum was following closely behind but he continued to run until he got to the car, leaning on the door to catch his breath. His Mum soon unlocked the door and he slid into the passenger seat, crossing his arms over his chest and resting his head on the window. His Mum started the car and drove off without a word, but Merlin could tell she wanted to talk to him.

"Are we going to talk about it?" Hunith asked after a while. Merlin just sighed and turned to look at her, shaking his head.

"There's nothing to talk about, I just fainted, that's all"

Hunith smiled sadly and placed her hand on his knee, relieved when Merlin didn't say anything about it. "Honey, you know it's not normal to faint so frequently in a month"

"I know" Merlin said quietly, looking ahead. "It's fine, i'm going to get help soon and i'll be fine"

It was quiet in the car again, the tension so thick Merlin could use it as a blanket. He could tell his Mum wanted to ask him something, what, he wasn't quite sure. He had many questions for himself too.

"Merlin, why did you stop eating again?" Hunith asked after a while, glancing over at her son before looking back at the road. That was one of the questions Merlin really didn't want to answer, but he knew he could never lie to his Mum, he was smarter and better than that.

"I didn't do it on purpose, I swear" Merlin was quick to explain, making sure his Mum knew this wasn't his choice. "I just stopped coming to lunch because I didn't want to be around my friends anymore"

"Why? You were so happy when you met them, what changed?"

Merlin shrugged and looked down at his hands, anxiously playing with the loose thread on his shirt. " I never really felt included in the group. I was always the last to know things, they often forgot I was even there. I was shocked when Gwen and Arthur helped me the first time, I mean they never talked directly to me before so it was sudden. I thought we were becoming good friends until I got better and they stopped talking to me again. It got to the point where they would walk past me in the halls and didn't even acknowledge I was there"

"I'm sorry, baby" Hunith sighed, squeezing his thigh. "I thought they were a nice group of kids, but they obviously aren't the kind of people you want to be hanging around if that's the case."

"Yeah I guess" Merlin agreed. "Oh well, at least I can meet new people when we move"

Hunith looked over at him and smiled, knowing this was what's best for them both. "That you can"

***

Later that night after Merlin had managed to eat dinner and had a shower, he went to lie in his bed to think. He wasn't exactly sure how Arthur had known he had fainted, or how he had even gotten to the nurse's office, but he was incredibly confused either way. Arthur had done nothing but tease and ignore him ever since he joined the group, so for him to care that Merlin fainted was unusual. He remembered being with Lance when he passed out, so there was the question of where he went that was left unanswered.

He also wasn't sure why Lance looked so confused when talking about the study groups, but he also found he didn't care that much. They had stopped talking to him, not the other way around. This was their fault, not his for once.

He was so caught up in his thoughts he didn't even heard the doorbell ring until he heard his Mother's voice downstairs. Merlin sat up and listened carefully, hoping to hear the other person's voice but all he heard was his Mother telling them to go upstairs. He jumped off the bed and slid a hoodie over his head, not wanting whoever it was to see his star wars pyjama shirt.

Merlin could hear footsteps coming up the stairs and neering his room, and he found himself wondering if he could survive the drop from his window. He really wasn't in the mood for visitors right now, mainly because he didn't know _who_ was visiting him.

His questions were soon answered when the door slowly opened to reveal Arthur standing in the doorway, looking uncertainty and worried. Merlin was too busy looking at Arthur without his footy clothes on to see Arthur himself walk in the room and gently place a hand on his shoulder to get his focus.

"What are you doing here?" Merlin asked, shying away from the contact and sitting on the edge of his bed. Arthur walked to his desk chair and sat on it, looking at his hands as he obviously tried to think of something to say.

"I was worried" Arthur finally said, looking up at Merlin with uncertainty eyes. "And I have some questions"

Merlin didn't exactly know what kind of questions Arthur wanted to ask but whatever it was, it must have been important enough for him to show up at ten o'clock at night.

"Go ahead" Merlin sighed, wishing he could just sleep. His Mother had forced him to take the day off studying and get some sleep, which sounded better than he would like to admit. He hadn't realised how much he liked sleeping until he stopped doing it, and now that was all he wanted to do.

"Right" Arthur said, like he expected Merlin to kick him out instead of letting him stay. "Lance told me what you said, right before you passed out. Merlin, you know you can just show up at study groups, you don't have to be invited, you automatically are?"

This time, Merlin couldn't hold back the snort. Arthur looked surprised, confused and somewhat furious either at himself or Merlin.

"Yeah, but study nights were only on when I couldn't go" Merlin said, trying to ignore the way Arthur's confusion face was easily the cutest thing he had ever seen.

"That's not true"

"Isn't it?" Merlin asked, getting a little defensive. "Every other time someone can't come, you guys just move the date forwards so they can. Except when _I_ can't come, no one cares."

Arthur looked even more confused at that, until a glint of recognition passed his eyes. He seemed to know what Merlin was talking about, and that made him even more upset.

"The only reason we didn't move the date so you could come was because we didn't want you to have the extra stress of study when you were trying to get better." Arthur explained. Merlin understood what they were trying to do, he really did, but not having study groups just made everything worse.

"Study groups were the only thing that distracted me from everything" Merlin said, desperately trying to keep his voice down. He was this close to breaking his restraint and just yelling at Arthur for daring to care about him now when it didn't matter anymore. "The only time i felt like a part of the group was when we would study together, it gave me something else to think about"

Arthur looked like he was about ready to claw his hair out trying to explain himself, but Merlin really didn't want to hear it. He wasn't sure exactly why Arthur was here, but there had to be a better reason than him being worried.

"What are you talking about? Of course you're apart of the group!" Arthur threw his hands up in the air, and Merlin only then realised Arthur really had no clue. He really didn't see the way he was acting, the way they were all acting.

"Really?, Is that why you guys completely ignored me in the halls whenever you saw me? Is that why no one ever talked to me, why _you_ made fun of me?" Merlin had tried his hardest to stop himself from yelling, but his restraint just broke and he couldn't do it. " You say i'm a part of the group, that we are friends, but no one even noticed when I was struggling to eat again. The only reason I let it get out of hand was because I knew no one cared, I knew no one would help me like you did the first time so there was no point in getting better"

He still had so much more to say, but he was already crying and he was so worked up his legs were starting to crumble. Arthur noticed this and was at his side in a second, wrapping an arm around his waist and gently wiping the tears with his thumb. Merlin managed to look Arthur in the eye and to his surprise, he looked absolutely ashamed.

"I'm so, so sorry Merlin" Arthur said, and it looked like he was trying to keep tears in himself. "I know it seemed like no one noticed, but we did. We were all worried about you when you stopped coming to lunches but we just assumed you were eating somewhere else, we should have known better"

Merlin didn't like this side of Arthur. He would much prefer the rich, cocky asshole Arthur than the sad and vulnerable one. He didn't want to make Arthur upset, he was just so angry at all of the people he called friends for leaving him alone.

"It's not your fault" Merlin said softly, because it really wasn't. It was his own fault for not being strong enough to stay better on his own, for being so forgettable.

"Yes it is" Arthur almost laughed at how angry he was at himself. " I should have said something, shouldn't have let you slip back into the past by yourself, or at all really. The reason we never acknowledged you in the halls is because we thought _you_ were distancing yourself from us. Everyone else was so mad at you for just leaving us that they wouldn't listen to reason when I told them there had to be a reason, they wanted to hurt you like we were hurt. I know it doesn't seem like it, but you were a big part of the group. We all liked you, you were the nerdy quiet kid that every group needs"

"I'm sorry I left, I just really couldn't cope with being ignored again" Merlin smiled sadly, trying not to fixate on the feeling of Arthur's side pressed up against his, or the way his arm was still tightly wrapped around his waist.

Arthur still looked upset, but it was obvious he wasn't making a big deal of it for Merlin's sake. Merlin was grateful, he really didn't want to listen to Arthur trying to explain himself. He looked upset enough as it was and Merlin really just wanted his pratty self back.

"You know, I always liked you" Arthur admitted a little shyly, only just having the courage to meet Merlin's eyes. "I probably liked you more than I should have if i'm honest, I just didn't know how to say it so I didn't"

Merlin couldn't stop his eyes from widening if he tried. He had liked Arthur for god knows how long, hating himself even more for having a crush on the captain of the football team. Never in his wildest dreams would he imagine Arthur liking him back, and he still wasn't completely convinced that was the case.

"Arthur" Merlin swallowed thickly. "You don't have to pretend, for my sake"

Arthur smiled fondly, and that _really_ confused Merlin. Arthur looked amused and Merlin really wished he could read minds, know what Arthur was thinking about.

"I'm not pretending, I really do like you Merlin. Like, I _really_ like you" Arthur smiled, and as if to make a point he cupped Merlin's jaw, slowly leaning forward. His eyes darted between Merlin's eyes to his lips, like he was silently asking for permission. When Merlin nodded, he finally pressed their lips together, keeping his hand on Merlin's jaw.

The feeling of their lips pressed together was unlike anything either one of them had ever felt. Their lips fit together like two pieces of a puzzle, and they moved together like it was the most natural thing. The kiss didn't last as long as Merlin would have hoped, but they did still have a lot to talk about. When they pulled apart, Arthur chuckled and pressed his forehead to Merlin's, his thumb running over the sharp juts of his cheekbones.

"That enough to convince you?" Arthur smirked at Merlin's huff of annoyance.

"I think I might need more convincing" Merlin said innocently, though his lips were curled in a smile.

Arthur shook his head with a fond smile, reaching up to ruffle Merlin's hair before turning more serious. "There is still a lot of making up i need to do, and i do still need to explain some things but i think that can wait for another time"

Merlin nodded, not looking forward to talking more but thankful for Arthur planning to stay around. "Does this mean you're my boyfriend, or was this some sort sick joke to get my to stop crying"

He was only half teasing when he said it, but Arthur looked guilty all the same. "Merlin, I would love to be your boyfriend. I've only been fantasizing about it for the past three years"

Merlin laughed for the first time in a while, a true genuine laugh that had his sides aching. Arthur seemed to enjoy his laugh, leaning in to kiss him again. The second kiss was even better than the first. Arthur managed to slip his tongue in and the feeling of their tongues sliding together was even more intoxicating than their lips. It lasted a lot longer than the previous one as well, and when they pulled apart their lips were swollen red and they were panting for breath.

"So" Merlin said once he could talk again. "I guess this means i'm not moving"


End file.
